Third Month’s A Charm: The Emotional Roller Coaster Of Trying To Conceive
When my husband and I decided to try for a baby, I naively thought it would happen immediately. I assumed it was a one-and-done process. I had a romanticized version of reality in my mind—a movie-type love scene between the two of us, a positive test, and a glowing start to motherhood. What I didn’t anticipate was the emotional and spiritual journey that would unfold over three months.
For some, three months might not seem like a long time to conceive, but when you’re in the midst of the process, every cycle feels like an eternity. I transitioned into a different season. In one season, my cycle was something I prayed to God would pop up after being late a few days. Now it is something I dreaded having and praying to God that He delayed for 9 months. Here’s how it all unfolded for me and the lessons I learned.
Month One: The Hopeful Start
The first month, I was full of optimism. I did a little research into the most effective ways to get pregnant. I downloaded a period tracker app that would tell me when I was ovulating and fertile. That app stayed open on my phone for MONTHS! I checked it like I would check my Amazon delivery status.
Every time up to this point, my husband and I took many precautions before having sex. Now that baby-making was on the table, it created a new experience. We were both filled with excitement, nerves, and anticipation.
For our first night trying, we created the perfect scene! Candles lit, Spotify playing our “Beats Between The Sheets” playlist, and a bubble bath with the jets going. You have to make the first time special right? LOL.
At the end of the night I thought that in just a couple of weeks, I would be running around my house screaming “I’m pregnant! I’m pregnant!” But when the test came back negative, my heart sank. I told myself, “It’s okay—most people don’t conceive on the first try. Next month will be different.”
Month Two: Anxiety Creeps In
By the second month, I was even more determined than the first. Forget the candles and music, I just wanted the job done!
To make matters worse, I was paying too much attention to social media. It was like my feed knew I was trying to get pregnant, and my page was flooded with stories of women who were posting their baby announcements. For the cherry on top, we had a couple of friend of ours who were trying around the same time as us and she became pregnant on their first try. With focusing too much on others, that’s when the lingering thought occurred: ”What if something’s wrong?”
I tried harder this month if that’s even possible. I googled the best positions, scheduled date nights, and made sure every aspect of my health was in check. Despite my efforts, my period came and my excitement dwindled a little more.
I became overwhelmed by the thought that my body might not be working in the ways that it should. My husband comforted me, reminding me that this was a journey. It was a small but important reminder.
Month Three: A Different Perspective
April rolled around. This is my birthday month! I started telling myself that this was the month all along and that I would find out on my birthday that I was pregnant. I checked my calendar at the beginning of the month, I made note of my fertile week, and a spark of new excitement came over me.
During my birthday week, my app showed that my period would be projected to start. I kept telling myself “Not this time.”
I went on a women’s retreat the weekend of my birthday. It was wonderful. My friend Stephanie who is the founder of the women’s ministry Christian Girls P.O.P. asked me to share my testimony in one of the breakout sessions. After I finished speaking, I went to my room to lie down for a nap. That’s when I felt the all too familiar feeling of my period coming on.
I just about broke down. “This was our third month trying! I don’t understand what’s going on. Is it me? Can I not have kids? God, YOU showed me this vision. You told me it was time to start a family yet You’re denying me every single time! Why? I don’t understand…”
I called my husband and told him everything. As encouraging as his words were, I could hear the sadness in his tone. When I made it home he sat me down and presented a different perspective.
He mentioned that we couldn’t control everything. Even though we both felt like we had received the blessing from God to start a family, it still happens in His time. I was filled with so much anxiety and fear that the joys of making a baby decreased. So, I decided to let go and let God. While I still tracked my cycle, I decided to focus less on obsessing over the details and more on enjoying the process. My husband and I treated the end of April differently than the last few months—less like a project and more like a partnership.
What I didn’t know at the time which was later revealed at our first ultrasound, was that the week right after my period, the last week in April, I became pregnant.
The Positive Test
I’ll never forget the morning I woke up feeling like something was different. As I lay next to my husband in bed, I rolled over and said ”I think I’m pregnant.”
It was Sunday, May 14th, 2023: Mother’s Day! I leaped out of bed and said again “Babe, I think I’m pregnant!” He asked me how did I know. I couldn’t quite put into words what I was feeling but I just knew. I ran into the bathroom to grab our last on-hand pregnancy test. We only ever purchased the Clear Blue brand that had a digital display. I needed to be able to read the words to know for sure.
I was so certain that I was pregnant that I dashed to get my phone to record this very moment. My husband was still lying in the bed looking confused as I ran around the room getting everything. He then asked “Babe, are you sure? You haven’t missed your period for this month yet.” He was right. It had been just three weeks since my last period and my next one was due in two weeks. But I just knew.
I took the test and laid it flat on the sink so that we couldn’t see the results. Intrigued, my husband made his way out of bed and joined me in the bathroom. We waited two minutes and I made a dash to grab the stick. My eyes were met with the words ‘Pregnant'!’ It was a mix of disbelief, joy, and relief. I screamed “Oh my goodness!” And my husband was staring at the stick like he saw a ghost. Neither one of us could believe our eyes. We hugged, laughed, cried, and couldn’t stop talking about how surreal it felt.
Two more weeks passed…and this time…NO PERIOD!! I was finally pregnant and the beginning of my motherhood journey began.
Looking back, those three months taught me patience, resilience, and the ability to let go of things I cannot control. While the wait felt endless at the time, it was all worth it when we saw that positive test.
What I Learned Along the Way
Patience is key. For most healthy couples, conception can take several months. It’s normal, even if it feels like forever.
You can’t control everything. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is take care of your mental and physical health while letting go of the pressure.
You’re not alone. Whether it’s your partner, family member, friend, or online community, others understand what you’re going through.
Every journey is unique. Comparing your experience to others will only add stress. Focus on your path.
Final Thoughts:
Trying to conceive is an emotional roller coaster, full of highs, lows, and unexpected turns. For me, those three months were a lesson in patience and self-compassion. If you’re in the middle of your TTC journey, know that it’s okay to feel all the emotions—hope, frustration, and even doubt.
Remember, this is your marathon, and every step brings you closer to your finish line. Hang in there, mama-to-be—you’ve got this.
What About You?
How did you find out you were pregnant?
I’d love to hear your stories!
Share your thoughts in the comments below—or share them with us in the Facebook Group! If you would like your story to be shared on our podcast, email your story to ddjoyjohnson12@gmail.com and I will connect with you on how we can share your story!
Here’s to motherhood and all the moments that make it magical.
Until next time,
Dominique Johnson
Founder of Go-Get.Hers
